| | For those who see the protected entry below, it certainly does speak for itself. Perhaps it was an irrational move. I don't know. When he first texted me again, the reaction on the faces of the friends I told was pure terror. As they questioned why, the sound in their voices said, "oh no, Robbie is going to get hurt again."
My thoughts were, it kinda feels good that he chose to contact me. I knew deep inside and even acknowledged it, that 99% of the time, your friends are right. But I told myself, "they're just being overprotective, it's not that dangerous of a situation, is it?"
And so I reached back, to no response. And the more I thought about it, the more stupid I felt. The embarrassment and the pain started flowing back in after I had reached a state of being comfortably numb.
It's been a rough summer. I greeted it with a healthy dose of optimism and an active social life that would make anyone jealous. I had the feeling that the potential for love was there for me, and I'm leaving the season with a wave of depression, with pessimism that finding stability within a relationship will never be within my reach. By the end of the Keith saga, it would be a total of three ex-lovers that'd I would suddenly find to have new boyfriends within a 2 weeks span of time, and I was left broken. I let my social life fade back, and I'm left in the position of breaking things down with the hope that I can build it up over again, better and stronger.
And I see it around me. A wave of setbacks hitting most of my friends, just as we were feeling our best, stronger and better looking than ever, in a place where we were more comfortable in our skins than our previous, less-experienced selves. Like the weather, the massive rain, the waves of sudden cold next to days of 100 percent humidity, our summers have left us comparing good days to bad and has left us wanting more of the good.
One can only hope that the crisp fall wind to come can clean us off, clear out the air, and with the frost of winter, kill all the pests, bugs and life around us and we'll be able to start anew and life will be good again. And then maybe the mud in my face will dry, crack up and wash off, revealing cleaner, smaller pores, causing the radiant glow of optimism to return.
|
| | Posted 8/28/2007 3:32 AM - 47 Views - 0 eProps - 0 comments
- recommend
  - recs0
- share
- email
 - sent0
|
